Know Who You Are
There are so many ways we can choose to live from the center of ourselves, knowing we are just as we are meant to be... The best way I've found to do this, is to do the work of getting to know yourself, and choose your own boxes. Make sure they are expansive enough for every part of you. Keep breaking down the old ones until they suit who you really are, or throw them all out, and begin again.
When I came out, my mom asked me exactly what that meant. After considering my attraction to both female and male bodied folks, I used the term bisexual. I've never been comfortable with the term lesbian as a way to describe myself. Until recently, I used the term queer because it's more inclusive of how I really feel, however today, pansexual is the most accurate definition. This means that when I fall in love (and I don't do it often or lightly), I fall in love with the person... not whether they are male, female, non-binary, or trans.
This realization that there was a word, big enough to encompass all of the ways I experience love, was a really big deal for me. It felt as if I could breathe when I discovered it... like there was space enough for all of me and how I love, within that single word.
As it turns out, my wife is an amazing female bodied, non-binary person... someone who also lives in the middle and understands this beautiful space between one extreme and another.
Throughout my life, ordinary boxes or definitions of me didn't quite seem to fit. As a Pisces I had a LOT of feelings, and growing up, this was deemed as "too emotional". As a highly sensitive person, my environment was sometimes a little too abrasive or stimulating for me... so I was considered "too sensitive". Even as an artist, I couldn't choose just one medium or method of working, and for years, it made me feel like there was something wrong with me.
When I was in my 20's I realized that being a Pisces, means living in the middle, too. Astrologically pisces is the last sign in the zodiac... and as such, it is a combination of all of the other signs. It is a sign, capable of standing in the shoes of every other sign to see life from their perspective. We do not have to become them, but we are able to understand them from the inside out... relate to all others. This new knowledge, gave me an expanded version of my emotional intelligence.
As for being highly sensitive, this gift, allows me to more deeply experience the subtlety of all things... feeling interconnected and whole. Knowing that I am a highly sensitive person, and knowing that not only am I not alone, but that this term, again, creates a space big enough for me to expand into with my whole self.
I have a master's degree in sculpture... so I love metal working, and wood carving, and soft sculptures... and I also love oil painting, and watercolors, and video, and music, and installations using them all, and the list goes on. Recently a business coach suggested to me that perhaps my medium, my art is communication... yes. This was a space that was big enough for ALL of the parts of me to fit within. I didn't have to get smaller to fit inside of the already formed, nice, neat boxes.
Are there words that feel too small or too constricting in their explanations of you? What might be more expansive, more spacious words you could use instead?
What are some words that hold large enough space for ALL of the parts of you to exist within? Are there words that feel right, but too uncomfortable to use in all of your circles?
I truly believe that one of the reasons we are here, is to expand into our greater potential. We cannot do that, if we are stuck in old definitions or contorting ourselves to fit into spaces that weren't created for us.
If you were raised in boxes that confine or cut parts of you off in order for you to fit... they aren't really your boxes.
My suggestion? Upgrade.
Looking for some help in expanding beyond your old definitions? I'd love to be of assistance. You can book your session with me here.
Angela Hed Vincent (she/her) is the owner of True You Tapping. She helps people who don't fit into the boxes, who feel displaced, disconnected, lost, alone, burned out, overwhelmed, or weary, find balance and true belonging so they can come from a place of inner strength and personal power.